1.110 Toasted BELT


25 (Sun) April 2010

Toasted BELT


by me

at home

-Oksu (Joongang Heights Apts), Seongdong, Seoul, Korea-


BELT = bacon + egg + lettuce + tomato.

Bacon and eggs would seem to be an obvious pair but inexplicably didn’t work so well together in this application.


On 12 April 2006, I blew my shot at marrying Kim Hee Sun.  Several months before, she had called a press conference to announce her availability on the matrimony market – as far as I’m aware, this is not a standard practice among Korean celebrities – and then mobilized her networks to summon suitors across the land.  Her accountant, an acquaintance of my mother, suggested me as a candidate.  Applicants were required to submit a CV and a minimum of 4 color 8 x 12 photos, both head shots and full-body shots – as far as I’m aware, this is not a standard practice among Korean celebrities.  I didn’t expect to pass the screening, but figured the act of applying would be a story to tell someday – now forever enshrined on GMTD – so I suffered the indignity of choosing photos of myself and getting them printed to size at a photo shop.  I passed the screening.  We had dinner (that’s another story).  And then again (that’s another story).   Next up was a lunch date.  The night before, she called me and asked me to join her and her friends for drinks.  Just my luck, I happened to be in the neighborhood and could’ve run there in minutes.  Just my luck, I was with my actual girlfriend, and we were in the middle of a serious discussion about our future together (that’s another story), so I couldn’t run out the door.  So, I had to lie to her about who was calling me, which went over fine, then lied to the person who was calling me about why I couldn’t accept her invitation, which didn’t go over so well.  Based on two personal experiences, as well as a decade of tabloid stories, I was already well aware that she always expected things to go immediately and entirely her way, a personality trait that I knew would be a deal-breaker.  I said, “Sorry, but I’ll see you tomorrow.”  She said, “If you don’t come out tonight, there will be no tomorrow.”  I said, “Oh well.”  She hung up.  And that ended my brief flirtation with the notion of marrying a famous movie star.  I remember the exact date because it was also the night that I first met the woman who would later become the actual wife (that’s another story). 


Four years later, this afternoon, I was spending a lazy Sunday with the actual wife and our son at the riverside park, when Kim Hee Sun showed up with her own actual husband and their son and set up just a few meters away.  I don’t think she saw me, probably wouldn’t have recognized me.

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