13.281 Not

Cycle 13 – Item 281

13 (Thu) October 2022



from Domino’s Pizza

at the office

-Seongsu, Seongdong, Seoul, Republic of Korea-

with staff

Pizza party at work.  Having not been involved in the ordering process, I was predictably dismayed to see the spread: 10 pies, all topped with various combinations of processed meats, sweet creamy sauces, potatoes, corn, whatever.  I know that I should’ve tried a piece, just to avoid drawing attention to myself, but I couldn’t bear to.

Transcript of an actual conversation in the wake of my refusal:

Me: “Next time, could someone please order a plain cheese pizza for me?”

Staff 1: “What’s the point of eating pizza if it’s only cheese?”

Me: “Okay, then how about a vegetable pizza?”

Staff 1 (confused): “What is a ‘vegetable’ pizza?”

Me: “A pizza with just vegetables on it.”

Staff 1 (more confused): “What kind of vegetables, like carrots?”

Me: “No, not carrots – things like onions, olives, bell peppers, tomatoes, mushrooms…”

Staff 1 (totally confused): “Why would they put olives on pizza?”

Staff 2: “Domino’s doesn’t have a vegetable pizza.  You have to go to a fancy Italian restaurant for something like that.”

In the end, I was reminded of an entirely alternate reality experience at a pizza party in Melbourne, where I’d been overwhelmed by the dynamic range of fresh, tasty, healthy pizza toppings (see 5.341 Cecina).

That’s sadly true.  Of the 14 unique pies available from Domino’s (see Domino’s Pizza Menu), only 1 of them is meatless: the Cheese.  No “vegetable” pizza.  The closest might be the Potato, which comes with potatoes + mushrooms + corn, but it includes bacon; or the Avocado Shrimp, which comes with avocado + onions + mushrooms + tomatoes + olives (olives!), but it includes shrimp + chicken; or the Super Supreme, which comes with bell peppers + mushrooms + onions + corn + pineapples, but it includes ham + beef + pork.

So long as I’m at it, I have to give the WORST prize to the Korean Sweet Potato, which comes with bulgogi + bacon + corn + onions + pineapples + mushrooms + sweet potato cubes + sweet potato mousse + mozzarella + cheddar + ricotta + gruyere cream cheese + truffle cream.  That has got to be the most ill-conceived pie in the history of pizza – I wouldn’t be surprised if it’s their number one seller.

I am henceforth declaring a personal BAN on Domino’s.

Next time, I will insist that they order from Papa John’s (see Papa John’s Pizza Menu), which offers a Garden Special.

I used to poke fun at some of the delivery pizzas in Manila (see for example 10.184 Garden Fresh Pizza), but that was more about quality than composition – at least they were conceptually edible.



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